tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
