Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
