he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
