thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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