I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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