3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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