Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
