It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
