I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
