why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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