Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just pynch a tree in the face
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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