i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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