wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Alive.
So much puke
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
