He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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