i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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