ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize