i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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