the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
