I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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