According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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