either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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