May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
