well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
