The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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