the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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