I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
