Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
