Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
