i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
