"it" just moved
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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