Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
