I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
