He had one of those small greek statue penises
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
