wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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