google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
