he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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