You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
