A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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