she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
