I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
