I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
