repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize