Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
that may or may not have been my penis.
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