i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
