Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize