I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
