Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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