I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
