why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
