It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize