I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They have beer where we have blood.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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