I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
