just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
