Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
