We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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