Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
