remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
