I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The beer is more important than you right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
