Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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