I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wear drunk well.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
