Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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