Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
