No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
