4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
