You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
