So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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