I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
