I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
