guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
