I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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