You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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