Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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