The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
