Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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