id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
