wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
