i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
