I can tuck mytits in my pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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