well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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