my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
