i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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