I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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