weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
