I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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