Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
