Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
