i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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