Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
