I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
