I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
