I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
