guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
