I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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