Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
