He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
