Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
