Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
