I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
