I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
