I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
