Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
