When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
