How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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