put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
