history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
