i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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