I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
