I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
