just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
