Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
